Monday, 28 February 2011

HIGH STANDARDS- Maintenance

Y'all know how much I admire the country.

Albeit- this belief is now dwindling. Not because, I've spent time here- hell I'd be the first one to admit- I do get bored by the mundane-ness and routine-acity of a place.

But, this one goes much deeper than that. You see-we can tie this to BRITANNIA- to the empire. High stakes game play.. very high maintenance. Requires a sense of power, charm, esteem and glory.

So, the England of now-is still stuck in that glorious time of the past- whereby, it has been introducing marvelously stupid skill sets to pass something useful like a driving test (or setting up a business, or gaining entry, or getting a job)... the list goes on.

The English are able to impose this level of DIFFICULTY- to make the task look unachievable and therefore much more cherished than usual.

I shall give you 2 examples from my recent past:

1. I've been looking for a job recently- and after I got selected in one (thankfully.. or so I thought)- I was asked to come to an Induction day..... an orientation day.... an interview day.... a company tour day (all of them unpaid)... and this was after the telephonic interview and internet application screening process. After this I shall have 6 training and assessment shifts, followed by another 9... and IF SELECTED (I like this one) ... I shall be given a 4 month probationary period.

Heavens... I can't thank you enough for this wonderful opportunity- Everything seems so certain now. My future is secure. (Yeah,sure).

Seriously, is getting a job in the UK- so tough-that it seem's like we have to be grateful for the large mercies they bestow upon us? Is it really so bad economically? I wonder whose propagating this hoopla in the 1st place! For position X.. you shall have to show... 16,394 skills to determine your acceptability to question 1 of our online test.

Thanks for your friggin time.

2. DRIVING LICENSE TEST--- After spending 160 pounds on lessons and booking the test, I was seen by an examiner who seemed sick of his job. Yet, the REQUIREMENTS of being exact on the test- not making a MAJOR mistake whilst putting someone else at risk- mine was, that a lady gave me way at the roundabout- and I TOOK IT. Silly me, I failed the test.

Don't you know? The driving standards are so high... you have to keep looking into your mirrors and blind spots- I do that all the time.. my neck is now officially the most muscular portion of the body. Thank you UK highway code- for giving me a neck Schwarzenegger would envy.

Dumb, half witted morons- setting up the REQUIREMENTS TO PASS- so let's say someone who sat the test 10 years ago- his license is still valid- although the CONDITIONS TO PASS have changed drastically- why isn't he tested with the new rules? Why should this new generation (of immigrants like me) suffer under the tomoltous, absolutely stupid and impractical rules of driving that you have INVENTED to maintain the high western standards of security. You guys seriously need a re-think- big time.

So there you go, ladies and gentlemen, the harder the requirements to pass a barrier, the more esteemed and cherish-able the goal looks.

This is usually followed by (Sigh)... I wish I could be there. Now that you are.... eat some cold cheese sandwich worth 4 quid and enjoy the rain. Half wit gimp.

The gardeners on this side of the hemisphere are trying their hardest to keep this grass spanking green. I was lured to this place by the very same philosophy.

Silly old gnome I am.

Sunday, 27 February 2011

The SNOWBALL effect

So, visualize the following scenario.

You're in a room full of unknown people. All of them are complete strangers to you. All of them are looking into your eyes and then looking at the ceiling- 'pretending' they weren't looking at you at all. But all of them are here for a common purpose- in my scenario- a job interview.

Whose gonna break the ice?

Somebody....SPEAK.....please!!

I know... cough... and talk about your flu...

Bad idea.

Why the hell is she opening a crisp packet... damnit... it shatters the silence like the titanic thru iceberg..

Is it me.... or is it boiling hot here..

When will the interviewer call our names..

Hi my name is...

STOP!

So yeah, that's the scenario there. Cut to the chase- and training session one- someone speaks up- loads of hands getting raised- everyone improvising- stamping their authority.

Scene 2:

Back in the same room we started. This time- we're all eating lunch and we CAN'T STOP TALKING even with our mouths full of the most horrid tuna sandwich in the world.

Oh yeah Social Network... loved it. Its based on Mark Zuckerburg you know...

Oh yeah I played in a rock band... (once)... now I'm interviewing for this unknown company.. thought it'd be cool..

I've done this... I've been there...

And guess what, the bunch of girls there who professionally appeared, so calm and composed in scene 1- are now an annoying bunch of banshees who can't stop giggling... and one - upping.

Generally.... All I can hear is...

Blah... Blah... wedding dress... blah .... blah.... makeup

Blah....Blah... Club....Dance.... Blah ...blah... tried this mocktail...

Blah....Blah... why did you make that joke?.... Blah... it's not even funny.

Wow- what a superior sense of judgement... Am I suddenly a friend- that you are TELLING me what to say and what not? An hour you sat there like an angel on white fluff cloud.. Now you're roleplaying accents- talking about ruddy sandwiches and telling complete strangers what to say and what not.

Indeed, you have now been overpowered by the SNOWBALL effect- ladies and gentleman, this is the effect that takes place in a common social circumstance, whereby complete strangers are overtaken by this feeling of oneness, which leads to some strangely psychotic dealings- all the while being commonly strung by one aim (here the interview)- and if someone gets booted- they shall tie a 'fake bond' with someone else.

Indeed.....SMALL TALK SUCKS ASS.

I used to be a propagator- but now I'm just a big time hater of this absolutely ludicrous exercise of Homo Sapiens. Word of Advice- don't get pulled in by the this huge snowball of shit.

Word out.

Is this FOR REAL?

Hi... Yeah...

Battered and Bruised...

But I'm back (kinda).... In one piece.

Don't ask- where I was - I was in a bit of a 'hole' a dark and deep chasm of hopelessness where other poor souls would have been crushed way too long ago (You can see my ego is still intact- just super!)

Let the rant's begin....