I wish to use this space 
to emphasize my 'itchiness'... A slight discomfort I've been experiencing for the past 4-5 days. You see- I have nothing but utmost respect for my motherland- It is who I essentially am- no matter wherever on the planet I'm at- I shall be quintessentially Indian- that's my heritage. One that I am proud of; although peculiar as it might be- this concept of 'patriotism' and national pride stems from Borders created by man- some important people in golden age of decision making, DECIDED that this border would determine the land that would be called INDIA (or any other country for that matter) and then we religiously follow that pride drill- that 'I belong here... we are the (bloody) best' syndrome. Phew- so much for defining the core flaws of my itch.
to emphasize my 'itchiness'... A slight discomfort I've been experiencing for the past 4-5 days. You see- I have nothing but utmost respect for my motherland- It is who I essentially am- no matter wherever on the planet I'm at- I shall be quintessentially Indian- that's my heritage. One that I am proud of; although peculiar as it might be- this concept of 'patriotism' and national pride stems from Borders created by man- some important people in golden age of decision making, DECIDED that this border would determine the land that would be called INDIA (or any other country for that matter) and then we religiously follow that pride drill- that 'I belong here... we are the (bloody) best' syndrome. Phew- so much for defining the core flaws of my itch.(Apologies about my positively impolite usage of words throughout this entry here- I'm just so cross at these recent proceedings - on both ends of the scale)
So today, I'm raising quite a 'petty' issue in comparison- not one of national pride; but one of RIDICULING it- blowing it into smithereens (for no rhyme or reason). Yes, Ladies and gentlemen- the Commonwealth Games 2010 (what... what are they?- If you're in the USA) have become a farce of a spectacle- literally and figuratively. I am stunned, shocked and deeply saddened by this whole ridiculous chain of events that has sparked this issue- especially here in the west. Now as I am a rational person- or so I believe (although I do love a good rant and love to blast folks committing follies), therefore I shall lead the argument from both sides : from India's point of view and from the West- albeit the final loser is of course the former purely because it 'had this coming' all along.
Please bear in mind that I do not conduct 'extensive / in depth research' on these topics- it's purely my views and opinions- based on what I hear/ see and follow in the western media (particularly SKY news- oh thank you sweet saviour!; what a CREDIBLE resource to formulate an opinion!)
Dear Commonwealth Games, 2010- New Delhi, India,
Firstly- WHY IN SWEET MERCY'S NAME WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THIS? What were you thinking 'Development'? It's such a crass and unnecessary EXCUSE for development. Indeed it's about wasting money on poor development methods- shitty resources- low paid labour- unhappy commuters. Think of the poor urban dwellers when the construction was taking place!
Straight from the horses mouth (Labour Union Worker): 'Our wages were low- our timings were inhumane- our conditions of work were pitiful'. Thank you Oh sweet Union Master- If you were China- you would've been gagged, tied and spanked till your bottoms turned to the color of China's flag. But oh no- In India- freedom of speech helps make you the victim- Kudos awesome system! Bravo on putting out the conditions 14 days before the event starts. Dumbarse!
Reports in the Telegraph (UK) suggested- India paid $ 100,000 to each voting nation prior to the bidding- to defeat Hamilton, Canada for the 2010 bid. Oh for crying out Loud!- Not only shall you be BRIBING your contractors and workers to get the job done- you're also BRIBING nations- to GET IT HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE! Such a silly, stupid manoeuvre. Now, I do not know how confirmed these reports are- But I can say clearly state the amount of 'red tapeism' and corruption prevalent already in the country- it can be argued that these allegations are completely true.
Which brings me to your CONTRACTS FOR BUILDING NEW SITES. Jeesus christ- what in heavens name were you thinking whilst awarding these contracts? Didn't you see the Chinese documentaries - How they built and maintained stadiums- it was like a perfect assembly line system- fluid and faultless. You on the other hand- such a mockery- of the whole TENDER bullshitting system- 'Who gets the tender?' It's decided by how much Money... aka BRIBE you can spend to get it. And when you eventually do get it- You do such a SHIT job. What's the bloody point?? I mean who would like to see this?--
'Comes in a range of green, blue, yellow and purple. Shown above is our favourite ceramic design and an all time best seller.. RED.. mmm...'
And Indian 'Security'- WHY THE HELL WAS SOMEONE ALLOWED TO ENTER BEFORE COMPLETION? Insanely inept morons- that's what you are. Putting there a 'Delhi Police Do not Enter Barricade' acting all Miami CSI like and then realizing that 'Duh!- this means we need to have police bodies in there or anyone... YES ANYONE can cross the barricade'. Hell even a parakeet can fly from the south and shit on your lovely village then- who will you blame then? Or will you invent SKY BARRICADES? (Oh please do... save your face)
Also on SKY news- this major contractor dude comes up and says:
'Oh well, the games were awarded in what... 2003? And then the contracts were awarded in 2007.. and work commenced in 2008- so I think we've done quite well given the time scale'
Are you friggin kidding me? ARE YOU? (If this happened then..) What in heavens name were you doing between 2003 and 2007- spreading the message of 'Incredible India' throughout the world? Or designing that crappy mascot- which looks like an idol for a cornflakes company. Seriously man- put a lid on it.
Then this whole Idea of Commonwealth GAMES VILLAGE (where properties shall now go from 2.8 to 5 crore Indian Rupees- I won't convert it because a) I'm lazy and b) It's a shitload of money in India)- Yeah sure- I'd love one in sector 2 please. Put my name on the friggin bidding list! Is Krusty the Klown operating this whole shenanigan? .. Ahh I know- ITS HIM-
Look Suresh Kalmadi fellow, this aint an after hours Barbeque Party- it's a sporting event that could've put you on the map. Now sit on your Village and sell the land to potential idiots such as yourselves. Why don't you follow the concept of CRICKET (for which you have loads of cash)- you put a team in luxury hotels- why not here? If all the hotels in New Delhi are booked for this time period- or hell if you would've built a luxorious five star resort with 1000's of rooms- it would've costed you half the money of that village and the hotel would come into use LATER. By building a sports village in India- Dude? We don't play sport- we just WATCH it- we're really good at computers though.
Mommy hit if I go out play with ball - Mommy Hug if I study C++ language for computer science. Blast!
' Look right.. Now back at me... Now look right again.. and back at me- You're now hypnotized into believing that the games will be successful'... 'Oh and I AM YOUR NEW KING- Bow down to me.... NOW'
Look Suresh Kalmadi fellow, this aint an after hours Barbeque Party- it's a sporting event that could've put you on the map. Now sit on your Village and sell the land to potential idiots such as yourselves. Why don't you follow the concept of CRICKET (for which you have loads of cash)- you put a team in luxury hotels- why not here? If all the hotels in New Delhi are booked for this time period- or hell if you would've built a luxorious five star resort with 1000's of rooms- it would've costed you half the money of that village and the hotel would come into use LATER. By building a sports village in India- Dude? We don't play sport- we just WATCH it- we're really good at computers though.
Mommy hit if I go out play with ball - Mommy Hug if I study C++ language for computer science. Blast!
Oh please... Please make a good job of the games now- I beg you. Seriously, the name of the country has been put through such a torrid time such shameful machinery- and the output is guilt and regret on this STUPID decision to conduct the games here. But, now that it's too late- at least TRY and do a good job- show the country how it's usually portrayed-as a Potential superpower (my Arse actually!) and STOP.. for Pete's sake- stop COMPARING YOURSELF TO CHINA! Because, you do not know what China is- go there and see for yourself- your eyes shall then open and you shall give up on future dreams of hosting events and just be happy hosting Call centres and IT parks- it's not bad to be GOOD at something. And you're good at this dear India- You've got the brains- don't make hasty, irrational, emotional decisions of hosting large scale SPORTS events such as these. A bloody waste of time!
Finally, What is the Commonwealth? Why these games are held every four years? The Empire is long gone- the commonwealth is all but in shambles! To be honest, there's nothing COMMON about these group of countries and WEALTH?... Forget about it! India- the so called 'Crown' in the Jewel for the Empire- is now suddenly a bollocking ground for all kinds of demeaning comments and nasties. It's all fine and dandy to concentrate on the good aspects- whereas the ground realities are hitting hard now. Seriously, it's a second hand Olympic event-one that shouldn't be conducted in the first place- Do I remember the gold medallists from the Archery Event in 2006? Nope- that's a long shot- DO I REMEMBER WHERE THE GAMES TOOK PLACE IN 2006? Erm... Nope. DO I GIVE A DAMN? Hell No. Then why... why India why... go through all this bullshit for. Congratulations on Making a new stadium- get some proper cement mixers the next time so that the ROOF DOESN'T FALL!
Boy am I one pissed bunny- Put me on the 100 metre race.. At least I'll bring you guys a medal.
Finally, What is the Commonwealth? Why these games are held every four years? The Empire is long gone- the commonwealth is all but in shambles! To be honest, there's nothing COMMON about these group of countries and WEALTH?... Forget about it! India- the so called 'Crown' in the Jewel for the Empire- is now suddenly a bollocking ground for all kinds of demeaning comments and nasties. It's all fine and dandy to concentrate on the good aspects- whereas the ground realities are hitting hard now. Seriously, it's a second hand Olympic event-one that shouldn't be conducted in the first place- Do I remember the gold medallists from the Archery Event in 2006? Nope- that's a long shot- DO I REMEMBER WHERE THE GAMES TOOK PLACE IN 2006? Erm... Nope. DO I GIVE A DAMN? Hell No. Then why... why India why... go through all this bullshit for. Congratulations on Making a new stadium- get some proper cement mixers the next time so that the ROOF DOESN'T FALL!
Boy am I one pissed bunny- Put me on the 100 metre race.. At least I'll bring you guys a medal.
Yours truly,
A concerned (psychopath) patriot
P.S- tell the workers not to defeacate in the construction sites. That is one thing that I CAN'T argue about- at all! Seriously man, shitting in the open? Oh please.
Dear West and particularly the Western Media,
How does it feel? How does it really feel now to belittle your smart Indian colleagues in the mail room now? 'Haha- ooh did you see that filthy village pictures man? What's your government doing?' Do you feel that slight sense of superiority now? Once again fanning those past imperial notions are we?
INHABITABLE and FILTHY are two words that are being tossed up quite regularly in the newspapers and visual media. So tell me- how does your new house look 2 -3 weeks before completion. Imagine, a dude went up to your toilet and took a photograph- PRIOR to you staying there?
'Ahh the flooring is magnificent- Ooooh look at the shower- it's so inviting. Oh wow- bed without mattress- I wish I could just sleep. Ooh look a pothole.. this is where the John shall be attached'
Fools! Are you crazy? EXACTLY WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE HERE? Inhabitable? Filthy?- are those words reflective of your tolerant society (our)- are those words NECESSARY to be put on the newspapers front pages? ARE THOSE WORDS NOT GOING TO BE HURTFUL AND RESENTFUL FOR 1 BILLION PEOPLE?- if they read your newspapers that is, tough chance! Gosh I have 'skimmed' views for my native land- but this truly makes my blood boil. The sheer and utter hypocrisy of the media here is an absolute joke. It's like you're trying to MANIPULATE feelings and emotions of people around here.
'Oh darling.. look look here on the news... they're showing the toilets in the commonwealth village- gosh it's so filthy.. disgusting- how can our boys and girls stay there? Inhumane- truly!'
Oh yes people, Slumdog paradise there- that's how all Indians stay.. DUMBARSES! And guess what the source of all credible information in the universe- THE SUN newspaper is blaming India for the utter mess and filth. Funny coz if I turn to Page 3 (or 4..5... or 23) I'm gonna find a scandal awaiting me. Having fun witnessing SCUM IN THE SOCIETY- not the infrastructure, your infrastructure is world class- so SUN- shut your pie hole and post about all the ludicrous things you want. But don't demean a nation like this. And express- your right wing propaganda machine hasn't published anything remotely cultural yet- I'm surprised... pleasantly.
And now to bring me to that Slimey Two Timing Son of a snake Mike Fennell (The commonwealth boss)- that's not me but what the majority of folks in the Commonwealth India team must be saying (Much more than that actually). So here's Mr. Fennell in 2008
'Ahh.. wonderful job- more progress is needed of course'
In 2009:
'We have full faith India shall be ready for 2010. We have checked the facilities and they appear world class- the games inspectors from all nations have toured the facilities & are quite pleased with the progress'
Present:
'Filthy.. disgusting... Uninhabitable... Inhumane... Do something... OR ELSE the games might have to be scrapped altogether'
Hear me old two timing dimwit- this is not the way an honourable president of a confederation behaves(and neither does a responsible blogger.. but then I CAN.. Hah!). So Fennell seed, if you knew about this situation- you SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT EARLIER. Were you suffering? Did you have Memory loss? Did the Indian government stuff your gob with money? Or did you think and HOPE that the 'LEADING NATIONS' wouldn't accept the present state of affairs- boy you were wrong! And when they didn't you joined the Blame Bandwagon. Oh how easy it is to blame! What were you doing there sitting on your Arse for 3 years ya muppet?
And what the papers write about LEADING NATIONS- that's almost fascist. How do you term a nation as Leading? It's your country- be proud- but don't call it a Leader for nothing! Commonwealth used to have a leader in the UK (because THAT was it's empire..duh)- but now- it's all equal- right? RIGHT? (Yeah right!).. Your motto... HUMANITY--- EQUALITY--- DESTINY. So lets make a parody of this- Because that's what I do.
INHUMANE CONDITIONS TO WORK IN---- INDIA SHAMED AND RIDICULED NOT TREATED EQUALLY (Eg. leading nations)---- IT'S DESTINY THAT GAMES SHOULD EVENTUALLY BE HELD IN THE 'DEVELOPED WORLD' (of which China is now a part).. How's that for a new motto? Straight to the point- no BS.
Cmon, who are you kidding? Stop with all this mumbo jumbo of equal rights- you know best - all of us know best- the nations that deal in pure 'snobbery'- Jesus, each country is just like a person. i'm the best- what's wrong with you dawg? You ok? I hate him. Baah baah! What is this? The 21st freakin century? Doesn't seem like to me.
Oh I forgot about 1 thing- a Scottish Athlete (Can't put his name here) and this doesn't go out to a country (Not that any scot is reading this :-P) mentioned on SKY NEWS:
'Oh it can be really hard you know- I heard there are no beds there (in the village), no showers- these basic amenities must be provided. It could affect our performance you know'
Hmm.. by the look of things it ALREADY HAS affected your performance.. YOUR MENTAL PERFORMANCE that is- what are you.. a dumbarse? No beds? What you think everyone in India sleeps on floors? Or take showers? Guess, you haven't heard of Indian hospitality yet (Man do I cringe when I say that now! Not too relevant after this episode)
So western media- please stop with your PRETENTIOUSNESS, please stop with AIRY FAIRY attitude, please stop with your 'Oh if I touch that I'll melt' bullshit. Please, when you talk about India on travels-it's all mystical and wonderful- scents, sounds and colours pouring out- but in your hearts and minds- India was, is and SHALL be a dirty, filthy place. Cmon- don't lie to me now- Don't call me an insensitive prick whereas this news story has been the 'thorn' of your news bouquet for the last week. You just needed this CRUTCH to prove that point- and well you've had scored a home run and a half! Happy now?
UK Newspaper Editor: 'Man, do I love bashing up these Indians! Ahh... feels so good (Rolls up the toilet paper and misses the basket)- ah well- Commonwealth live practice... haha... Jolly good! Time for some Indian masala tea and later a spicy curry for supper'
For pete's sake- GET LOST! Get a LIFE... and talk about something relevant- your athletes.. yes- your precious boys and girls are gonna be fine- don't be a wuss. Think you're sending them on a some glorified adventure island/ Survivors Snake special kinda thing. Hey SUN- that's your next story- You're welcome.
Yours sincerely,
A 2 pound Sunday special customer
(Red or Black sheet... it's all the same shit)
So, there you have it- both sides of the argument- Neither side is the winner here. But in all honesty-it's India here who has to take the blame. You shall be poked fun at if you do something wrong and downright silly. And, that's simply what happening now- the west how matter EQUALITY THUMPING- CONSCIOUS TRUMPET BLARING- NO SWEARING- POLITICALLY CORRECT - it may be prove itself to be; is not without it's flaws. Some major ones, but New Delhi.... Capital dude- you made a Capital Dud here and it ain't Cool.
Your motto for 2010 games is 'Come out and Play!'
Yup, can't argue with that coz heaven forbid if we play inside we'll be covered in cement, shit and tobacco spit marks. Ouch? Well do something about it then. Hire a better contractual building team. And next time please don't bribe and Bid. Actually just don't Bid altogether. Many Thanks!
'And for crying out loud- Get me a bowl of FROSTIES now... or I'll shoot!'
I rest my case.
'Ahh the flooring is magnificent- Ooooh look at the shower- it's so inviting. Oh wow- bed without mattress- I wish I could just sleep. Ooh look a pothole.. this is where the John shall be attached'
Fools! Are you crazy? EXACTLY WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE HERE? Inhabitable? Filthy?- are those words reflective of your tolerant society (our)- are those words NECESSARY to be put on the newspapers front pages? ARE THOSE WORDS NOT GOING TO BE HURTFUL AND RESENTFUL FOR 1 BILLION PEOPLE?- if they read your newspapers that is, tough chance! Gosh I have 'skimmed' views for my native land- but this truly makes my blood boil. The sheer and utter hypocrisy of the media here is an absolute joke. It's like you're trying to MANIPULATE feelings and emotions of people around here.
'Oh darling.. look look here on the news... they're showing the toilets in the commonwealth village- gosh it's so filthy.. disgusting- how can our boys and girls stay there? Inhumane- truly!'
Oh yes people, Slumdog paradise there- that's how all Indians stay.. DUMBARSES! And guess what the source of all credible information in the universe- THE SUN newspaper is blaming India for the utter mess and filth. Funny coz if I turn to Page 3 (or 4..5... or 23) I'm gonna find a scandal awaiting me. Having fun witnessing SCUM IN THE SOCIETY- not the infrastructure, your infrastructure is world class- so SUN- shut your pie hole and post about all the ludicrous things you want. But don't demean a nation like this. And express- your right wing propaganda machine hasn't published anything remotely cultural yet- I'm surprised... pleasantly.
And now to bring me to that Slimey Two Timing Son of a snake Mike Fennell (The commonwealth boss)- that's not me but what the majority of folks in the Commonwealth India team must be saying (Much more than that actually). So here's Mr. Fennell in 2008
'Ahh.. wonderful job- more progress is needed of course'
In 2009:
'We have full faith India shall be ready for 2010. We have checked the facilities and they appear world class- the games inspectors from all nations have toured the facilities & are quite pleased with the progress'
Present:
'Filthy.. disgusting... Uninhabitable... Inhumane... Do something... OR ELSE the games might have to be scrapped altogether'
Hear me old two timing dimwit- this is not the way an honourable president of a confederation behaves(and neither does a responsible blogger.. but then I CAN.. Hah!). So Fennell seed, if you knew about this situation- you SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED IT EARLIER. Were you suffering? Did you have Memory loss? Did the Indian government stuff your gob with money? Or did you think and HOPE that the 'LEADING NATIONS' wouldn't accept the present state of affairs- boy you were wrong! And when they didn't you joined the Blame Bandwagon. Oh how easy it is to blame! What were you doing there sitting on your Arse for 3 years ya muppet?
And what the papers write about LEADING NATIONS- that's almost fascist. How do you term a nation as Leading? It's your country- be proud- but don't call it a Leader for nothing! Commonwealth used to have a leader in the UK (because THAT was it's empire..duh)- but now- it's all equal- right? RIGHT? (Yeah right!).. Your motto... HUMANITY--- EQUALITY--- DESTINY. So lets make a parody of this- Because that's what I do.
INHUMANE CONDITIONS TO WORK IN---- INDIA SHAMED AND RIDICULED NOT TREATED EQUALLY (Eg. leading nations)---- IT'S DESTINY THAT GAMES SHOULD EVENTUALLY BE HELD IN THE 'DEVELOPED WORLD' (of which China is now a part).. How's that for a new motto? Straight to the point- no BS.
Cmon, who are you kidding? Stop with all this mumbo jumbo of equal rights- you know best - all of us know best- the nations that deal in pure 'snobbery'- Jesus, each country is just like a person. i'm the best- what's wrong with you dawg? You ok? I hate him. Baah baah! What is this? The 21st freakin century? Doesn't seem like to me.
Oh I forgot about 1 thing- a Scottish Athlete (Can't put his name here) and this doesn't go out to a country (Not that any scot is reading this :-P) mentioned on SKY NEWS:
'Oh it can be really hard you know- I heard there are no beds there (in the village), no showers- these basic amenities must be provided. It could affect our performance you know'
Hmm.. by the look of things it ALREADY HAS affected your performance.. YOUR MENTAL PERFORMANCE that is- what are you.. a dumbarse? No beds? What you think everyone in India sleeps on floors? Or take showers? Guess, you haven't heard of Indian hospitality yet (Man do I cringe when I say that now! Not too relevant after this episode)
So western media- please stop with your PRETENTIOUSNESS, please stop with AIRY FAIRY attitude, please stop with your 'Oh if I touch that I'll melt' bullshit. Please, when you talk about India on travels-it's all mystical and wonderful- scents, sounds and colours pouring out- but in your hearts and minds- India was, is and SHALL be a dirty, filthy place. Cmon- don't lie to me now- Don't call me an insensitive prick whereas this news story has been the 'thorn' of your news bouquet for the last week. You just needed this CRUTCH to prove that point- and well you've had scored a home run and a half! Happy now?
UK Newspaper Editor: 'Man, do I love bashing up these Indians! Ahh... feels so good (Rolls up the toilet paper and misses the basket)- ah well- Commonwealth live practice... haha... Jolly good! Time for some Indian masala tea and later a spicy curry for supper'
For pete's sake- GET LOST! Get a LIFE... and talk about something relevant- your athletes.. yes- your precious boys and girls are gonna be fine- don't be a wuss. Think you're sending them on a some glorified adventure island/ Survivors Snake special kinda thing. Hey SUN- that's your next story- You're welcome.
Yours sincerely,
A 2 pound Sunday special customer
(Red or Black sheet... it's all the same shit)
So, there you have it- both sides of the argument- Neither side is the winner here. But in all honesty-it's India here who has to take the blame. You shall be poked fun at if you do something wrong and downright silly. And, that's simply what happening now- the west how matter EQUALITY THUMPING- CONSCIOUS TRUMPET BLARING- NO SWEARING- POLITICALLY CORRECT - it may be prove itself to be; is not without it's flaws. Some major ones, but New Delhi.... Capital dude- you made a Capital Dud here and it ain't Cool.
Your motto for 2010 games is 'Come out and Play!'
Yup, can't argue with that coz heaven forbid if we play inside we'll be covered in cement, shit and tobacco spit marks. Ouch? Well do something about it then. Hire a better contractual building team. And next time please don't bribe and Bid. Actually just don't Bid altogether. Many Thanks!
'And for crying out loud- Get me a bowl of FROSTIES now... or I'll shoot!'I rest my case.
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